


Before I Take That Walk

by pfeifferpack



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, PWP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6142276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pfeifferpack/pseuds/pfeifferpack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike sobers up after Lovers Walk and wonders why he wants to go back to a cheating Dru anyway. Buffy, meanwhile, tries to get a handle on a future that won’t include Angel. Can two broken hearts find an island of comfort in each other’s arms and then just walk away? </p><p>Written 2006</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

~*~

Spike woke to a sizzling hand as sunlight found the small unblackened area of windshield in the DeSoto. "Sodding hell!" He rapidly moved out of the sun’s lethal embrace, hitting his already throbbing head on the dash in his haste.

"Where the bloody hell am I?" He tried to remember his last clear moment and drew a blank soon after that humiliating scene with Dru and Mr. Slimy Antlers. The next memories were all about bottle after bottle of whatever self-medication was handy. He vaguely remembered vowing to someone that he would "kill the bitch and prove he didn’t love her". He was pretty sure he didn’t mean he would kill Dru because there was no reason for him to deny his love for his dark princess. Even if she was screwing her way through the mystical forests of demondom. 

He had no idea how many days he’d spent in an alcohol-drenched stupor. "Think, mate. Gotta figure out where you are before you know where you’re going." With that bit of logic, Spike tried to clear his head and take measure of where he was and what he’d been up to. The fact that he wasn’t currently a pile of dust seemed a point on the positive side of the ledger. 

Considering his hangover, there was a miracle at work for him to still be among the undead. "Didn’t know there were any guardian angels for Big Bads like me," he muttered. Spike was sorely tempted to just plunge back into the sea of alcohol he’d been swimming in and avoid the "healing process" that just took too long, even for a vampire.

"Suck it up, man. Need to get m’ bearings, suss out what I’ve been up to and deal with the fallout." Spike was not known for cowardice and wasn’t about to let Dru’s infidelity force him into that sort of role. "’M not that wanker William. Not gonna run off cryin’, lookin’ to die ‘cause the bloody bitch doesn’t know a good thing when she’s got it!"

He had started to become functional and assess his surroundings a bit. The desert terrain pretty well ruled out Brazil. It was still daylight and a recon was out of the question for a while, but he could still drive to some sort of shade to wait out the day. "Might even find a sign or some such…get a clue ‘bout where the bloody hell I am."

Something about the area struck a familiar chord even if Spike couldn’t quite place it with any ease. "Shoulda smashed that talky Miss Edith years ago! Spreadin’ nonsense ‘bout me and the Slayer that Dru’s daft enough to believe."

Slayer! Oh, yes, there it was. The memory was right on the edge of his brain. If he could just grab a corner of it, he’d be on his way to answering all of his questions. Something about the Slayer and Dru’s loony accusations.

"Crazy bint! Reason I didn’t already kill Buf…the Slayer’s ‘cause I was too busy getting Dru back to full strength. Couldn’t put my full attention on notchin’ another Slayer on the belt. Then the bloody Poof had to turn up while I was stuck in that chair… How the hell was I supposed to take out the Slayer with all that happening? Had to save Dru, didn’t I? How’s that add up to me havin’ feelings for the chit?" 

Spike felt his inner William start to interrupt and it made him want to put his fingers in his ears and sing a chorus of "lalalalalala" to drown the wanker out.

"Almost 120 years I’ve stayed faithful to that crazy bint. Put up with ‘daddy this’ and ‘daddy that’. Always ‘daddy, daddy, daddy’! Tolerated her fits and starts, now didn’t I? Took good care of my princess. Never let HER starve when she couldn’t feed proper." 

Spike was building up a steam of indignation at the ill treatment by his ladylove. "Did I say a word when she’d cheat on me? NO! Bad enough when it was other vampires, now it’s like she’s pickin the most disgustin’ demons walkin’. Wait, not all of ‘em walked as I remember. A few slithered." He shuddered at the memory of Dru’s latest sex partners.

"Suppose she’d have been happier if I’d let her daddy drag her and everyone else into that hell Angelus opened up. Least she’d be with the love of HER unlife." Spike was glad he was alone because he could feel the hot tears ready to spill from his eyes. 

He and the Slayer had both made sacrifices that day. He’d thrown away any chance of ever winning Dru’s devotion by going against Angelus and the Slayer had to send the big oaf to hell. Spike knew the Slayer had done the deed because the end of the world hadn’t happened. Angelus was in hell where he belonged. 

"Wait a minute!"

Spike was beginning to remember something, something important. "Angelus! No that’s not right…Angel, all soul-having Angel. The bugger’s back!" He remembered the Slayer and his grandsire fighting alongside him, something about throwing holy water at a bunch of vamps.

Spike spotted a grove of trees that promised some relief from the unrelenting sun and a chance for him to try to grab onto the fleeting images that held clues to his recent history. The DeSoto sounded a tired groan as Spike turned off the engine and prepared to wait out the day’s end.

As he sobered up, the neurons managed to communicate again and the pieces began to fall into place. He remembered storming away from the home where he and Dru had been living since their arrival in Brazil. He had caught her with another of the increasingly unlikely partners in her continual sexathon. The chaos demon had been bad, the fungus demon worse. This…this…whatever it was that looked more like a Sea Urchin on steroids than anything else was the last straw. 

Dru had sworn she was the injured party. She swore that Spike had a deep connection with and budding love for the Slayer, of all people. Dru claimed that was the real reason why Spike had been unable to bag his third slayer and why she had a right to seek pleasure elsewhere.  
Spike had done the only thing any self-respecting cuckold would do: he left to prove himself. He would go back to Sunnyhell, kill the Slayer and prove Dru wrong at last. Make the bitch grovel as she ate her words! 

Somewhere between Arizona and California, after Spike had drained one too many bottles of Cuervo gold, complete with worm, the plan changed. Instead of killing Buff…the Slayer, the plan was to get one of the spellcasters on the Hellmouth to put a spell on Dru and make her love him again. He’d see about killing the Slayer while he was at it…if he had time.

He remembered murdering the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign for the second time in his history. He remembered the cute, redheaded witch friend of the Slayer and while the details were fuzzy, Spike was remembering all the high points of the evening that followed.

Now he knew where he was! In the desert headed south outside Sunnydale, although not very far outside from the look of it. He was on the way to grovel at Dru’s dainty feet yet again, begging for what should be his by right. "Hell, no! She wants to moan under every monstrosity in the dimension, she’ll have to do it without me around to watch! Dru wants me, she can damned well come get me. Sooner or later she’ll miss all those things I used to do to make her happy, to take care of her. Bitch would be dust without me!"

No reason to drive thousands of miles to prove Dru was crazy. Everyone knew Dru was crazy, even Dru herself. Spike could turn right around and make a nice home for himself right back in Sunnydale! Why not? Plenty of humans to eat, lots of demons to fleece at the poker tables and a Slayer to completely ignore. Hellmouth’s the natural place for a Master Vampire to set up housekeeping. 

"Yeah! Ignore the little fireball. Dru thinkin’ I’m all hot for the Slayer, huh! I can be ‘round the bint all the time and not even be tempted to so much as talk to her. Said all I need to her anyway. Stupid girl and Peaches with their ‘we’re just friends’, while at the same time making cows’ eyes at each other. Bollocks! And I told ‘em so too! Yeah, go back there and watch the fallout from the end of the greatest love story never told. Pop some popcorn and enjoy the show."

"Think I’ll just drop by that weasel Willie’s and replenish the ol’ liqueur supply first. Have to eat someone with more than lint in his wallet before I can get any of the good stuff again." Spike began to hum softly as he pointed the classic car currently disguised as a rolling trash bin toward his once and future home.

~~~   
Buffy knew Angel was going to leave. She knew it from the night Spike had called them on the whole ‘let’s be friends’ game. They weren’t friends, never had been really. She loved Angel madly with all the furor of youth and first love. She had never really learned to trust him though. He was a mystery. No, he was an enigma. No, he was a mystery wrapped in an enigma with a bow of question marks all over him!

She knew so little about this love of her life. Buffy had always thought that was part of the romance of it all. She and Angel would get married and she would spend the rest of her life getting to know him! Romantic? Perhaps. Impractical? Definitely. 

As soon as it was clear that they could never have even a shell of a normal life together without risking Angel’s oh-so-necessary soul, all those dreams had gone ‘poof’. And they had tried, really tried to become friends. 

Angel had given her lovely books, books that made no sense to her when she tried to read them. She knew he was only trying to help her learn, help her be better. He still helped against the bad guys too, just like before. He’d pop in and give the gang warnings…well, give them to her, since the gang was still all wigged about his turn as Angelus. 

Angel would help and then leave. Buffy used to think that was part of his charm, sort of popping in and out like a sexy superhero. He was like Superman with fangs, only without the totally lame tights and cape. Now she felt more sympathy for Lois Lane than she would have ever before felt. Just like Lois, she was clueless about who and what her hero was really like, who he really was. Not the sort of foundation for a budding friendship and the lusty urges for salty goodness hadn’t gone away either.

Spike had been right, she and Angel would never be just friends and they could never be lovers again. Now she was just waiting for the other shoe to fall, for Angel to walk away and leave her alone in her misery.

Buffy hadn’t even finished high school and her love life was over! It was so not fair. "Well, at least I won’t die a virgin. How’d that joke go? Oh yeah, the tombstone that says ‘returned unopened’…not happening to me at least." Of course, now she’d never know if she could have become a decent lover. Angel, or rather Angelus, had said she was terrible. It wasn’t fair that she would never have another chance. 

She wasn’t even eighteen yet and no one was born knowing how to make a guy feel great. Angel could have taught her how to please him if the curse hadn’t made it impossible for them to ever have sex again. She was willing to learn. It wasn’t her fault, after all, if she didn’t know what she was doing that first and only time! Damn gypsies and their curses!

Everybody’s love life had been shot to hell after Hurricane Spike blew into town. Xan and Cordy weren’t even speaking after Cordy caught Xander and Willow in a lip lock. Willow and Oz were on rocky ground but would probably pull through in time. Still, Spike and his drunken escapades had left a wake of misery behind that would probably lead to even more trouble before it was all over. 

Spike was like that. Trouble. He had been trouble from the time he first swaggered into town and became a major feature in all their lives. The pest wasn’t even supposed to be there in Sunnydale! He’d promised to leave and never come back. She really hadn’t expected to ever see him again when he took the unconscious Dru and careened out of town. Funny, she hadn’t really thought he’d break his word to her. Spike was many things, but he had never seemed to be a liar. Somehow the thought that he wasn’t as honorable as she had thought made her as sad as the knowledge that Angel would soon be just a part of her past.

Two Master Vampires, one Slayer: it was a recipe for disaster. Angel and Spike were as different as possible. It wasn’t just the whole soul and no soul deal either. Spike had always been pretty ‘in your face’ and transparent. Buffy had to smile remembering his cocky "I kill you" answer to her asking what he was going to do to her at the threatened next meeting. He had tried, several times and in many ways, but it never happened. Still, there was no secret about his intentions. Angel had started off all mystery and that never completely changed. It had been a while before Buffy even found out Angel was a vampire at all!

Buffy got the beginning of a thought that had haunted her the better part of the last year and she tried to stop it in its tracks. Angel without a soul was not able to love. Spike without a soul clearly loved Dru. Maybe that kernel of a thought in the back of her mind is why it burned so badly that Spike was so sure she and Angel could never be friends.

Buffy twirled her stake and headed for another pass through Sunnydale’s newest cemetery. She really hoped there would be a nest of demons to demolish or at least a few fledglings to dust. She needed to kill something! One more pass through the cemetery, then a stop at Willie’s to see who she could rough up for information on the new vamp in town, then home for another good cry.

~~~   
Angel was brooding. They always accused him of it, but this time he really was. That idiot Spike had ruined everything. Angel knew he’d never have Buffy again the way he would always want her. He knew that the future would be an agony of want and it would take every bit of his self-control. Still, he knew that Buffy was worth it. He’d planned to stay and help her, guide her, protect her.

Surely all the angst of unrequited desire would make up in some way for all of the evil Angelus had done! He deserved to suffer, to want and not have. Angel was willing to suck it up and pay the price.

All those times before he was turned, Liam had womanized without giving the woman a single thought! Angelus had been the scourge of Europe but had been caged by the soul for a century until Angel had forgotten that it was his lot to suffer. Being so close to Buffy and not being able to be with her was the worst punishment Angel could think of and he had expected to suffer through it until his lovely girl finally fell in battle.

Then Spike showed up and messed up everything! Buffy had looked so determined and mature when she told him that he would have to be able to say he didn’t love her for them to be together in any way. He couldn’t lie to her, so he had said not a word. As he watched his golden girl walk away all prim and proper, he knew it was over. He wouldn’t be allowed to stay close to her now. He’d have to find another way to work through his own personal purgatory on the road to his redemption, another way to suffer for his sins.

Buffy would go on and meet another…a nice, stable, human guy. She’d move on and Angel would be left with the ashes of all they had dreamed of having. "Leave it to that idiot to say the first smart thing in his entire unlife and mess everything up!"

Angel headed in the direction of Willie’s. Maybe he could ferret out some information on that Trick guy to give to Buffy. They may have decided they couldn’t be friends any more than they could be lovers, but he could still help her with her mission. One of the lowlifes at Willie’s would know something about the vamp that came to town with Kakistos and was now connected with someone in power. There was trouble brewing and Buffy needed him.


	2. Chapter 2

~*~  
Chapter 2  
~*~

It was like the perfect storm: three great powerful forces all converging on the same luckless establishment. Willie’d had a bad feeling from the time Spike swaggered into ‘The Alibi’ and now that he could see the Slayer and her pet vamp headed into his establishment, one from the back entrance and the other kicking in the front door, his worst fears were confirmed. He really needed to get into a different business!

Angel spotted Buffy immediately, as she did him. But neither of them noticed the bleached blond vampire hunkered down in a booth nursing a bottle of cheap Scotch. Spike, however, noticed the doomed lovers as soon as they entered the bar. "This ought to be good. Little preview of the waterworks to come."

Spike mentally acted out the drama of the latter day Romeo and Juliet of the creatures of the night set. ‘Oh, Angel,’ he thought in a high-pitched inner voice, ‘Why must you be so cruelly cursed? I’ll never love again!’   
His mental voice dropped a few octaves, ‘Buffy my sweet, young, nubile bit of fluff, you know I would stay and be your true love and champion but never at the cost of my shiny soul.’ 

Again he imagined Buffy speaking, ‘Yes, my beloved, you are too, too good to risk such a loss. Forget all those ruined lives and tortured people in your past. Never mind the killings and rapes, the women you drove mad. That was all the Evil Angelus, not you! You are a hero! You have your soul back now and must be allowed to brood in peace, your mighty overgrown brow in deep furrows of sorrow.’ 

Spike let out a small laugh as he heard his mental Angel reply, ‘I will love you until I am dust, or until I lose the soul again, or meet another cute young blond, whichever comes first.’

Spike’s musing were cut short as he settled in to watch the real show.

"Buffy! What are you doing in this place? You don’t need to be here with these lowlifes." Angel started to reach for his ex-girlfriend and steer her towards the door and out of the seedy bar.

‘That’s right, you big hero, save the poor defenseless Slayer from doin’ what she’s been called to do,’ thought Spike. ‘She could take you and the rest of this room without breakin’ a sweat and you know it!’

Buffy pulled her arm from Angel’s light grip and glared daggers at him. She really wasn’t in the mood to see him, much less be rescued by him when she didn’t need it. "I’m here doing my job, Angel. Remember me, ‘chosen one’, all mystically empowered and all?"

"You tell him, sister! ‘Bout time somebody put the Poof in his place. Always had to be the big man, the one callin’ all the shots. Huh! Slayer’ll take him down a peg or two now." Spike would have been willing to pay to see that happen to his grandsire. "Arrogant prig needs a pin put in him if you ask me," he muttered softly as he took a swig directly from the bottle.

Angel turned his wounded puppy eyes on Buffy and lowered his head for further effect. "Buffy, why are you angry with me? I can’t help the way the gypsies worded that curse." He lowered his voice so that only a Slayer or another Vampire could possibly hear him. "You know how it’s killing me to be so close to you and not be able to touch you, hold you, love you. Don’t tell me I can’t care. Don’t say I can’t help take some of the burden from you."

Buffy instinctively responded as she always had in their relationship. "I’m sorry Angel. I know it’s not your fault. I’m the one who caused you to lose your soul anyway. If I’d been more patient and we had made sure of things, maybe it wouldn’t have happened." She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the hurt on her beloved’s face. "I really can’t do this now, Angel. I have to get in here and ask some questions. It’s my job, not yours."

Spike shook his head in amazement at how Angel had managed to get the Slayer to take on all the guilt for his turn as Angelus without ever saying a word. He thought in disgust, ‘Poor bint. He’s got her wrapped around his diabolical little finger. Gonna send the Slayer ‘round the bend too, like he did Dru, if he’s not careful. Not much different with the bleedin’ soul, if you ask me.’

"I do appreciate you wanting to help, Angel, but I really need to work out some aggression anyway. Why don’t you go home? You never liked it here anyway and I need to get used to handling things like this by myself. We both know you aren’t always going to be here at my side." Buffy looked ready to cry.

‘Come on, buck up, Slayer! Peaches isn’t some high school boy with a fresh heart to be broken by the likes of you. He’s got a hundred years on me and I’ve been around long enough to know my way about. Don’t let him sucker you in with the sad looks and the manipulated guilt. You’re the innocent one!’ Spike’s thoughts were making him begin to actually care about the young girl being twisted sidewise by the older, craftier vampire.

"Please, Buffy, let me do this for you at least." Angel looked at her with pleading eyes. Somehow if he could only be some part of her life, it wouldn’t be completely over.

"No, Angel, I mean it! I can’t be around you right now. Spike was right; we aren’t friends. We talked about that last night. You aren’t even a Scooby anymore. The gang still gets the wiggins around you since last year’s ‘lets suck the whole world into hell after killing pet fish and computer teachers’ disaster," Buffy lashed out.

Angel’s head dropped even lower and Buffy immediately felt terrible for blaming him for Angelus’ actions. "God, I am so sorry, Angel. I know you didn’t do any of that. It was Angelus. I know that and I really don’t blame you. But the guys, they don’t get it. I’m sorry, I’m all Bitca Buffy tonight. Please, just go home. I promise to drop by tomorrow and we can talk, okay?"

‘How does he DO that?’ Spike wondered. ‘Actually got the Slayer actin’ like Angelus and Angel are two different people, like he wasn’t even there while Angelus was off bein’ a right arse.’ Spike was stunned that Buffy was so beguiled, or perhaps just misinformed. True, Spike had no real idea of how the whole soul thing worked, but he knew Angelus well. He had no problem seeing plenty of Angelus in Angel and would bet his next dinner that Angel was right there while Angelus was puttin’ it to Dru and working on universal destruction, no matter what the Poof had told the little blonde.

‘Angelus goes off on a killin’ spree like a right mad dog. Nearly drags everythin’ into hell, for fuck’s sake! Killed the Watcher’s woman, tried to send all the little do-gooders ‘round the bend, especially the Slayer…and she’s feelin sorry for HIM! Makes a fella wonder if he isn’t Angelus after all, with the mind games.’ Spike shook his head again in amazement.

Spike continued to watch as Angel proceeded to do as he pleased instead of what the little Slayer asked. Angel began to ask for information on some vamp named Trick while Buffy stood, eyes closed in exasperation. 

Naturally, no one knew a thing about any vampire, be they named Trick OR Treat. Angel was once more trying to physically guide Buffy out of Willie’s. "Come on, Buffy, no one’s talking tonight. We can try later."

Much to all their surprise, Buffy dug in her heels and once again pulled away from the domineering vampire. "Go home, Angel. I have work to do. Really, just go home. I don’t want to be angry with you."

Angel took a deep breath and let it out in one long, hurt-filled sigh. He turned slowly from the Slayer and began to move toward the door. Spike could tell from the speed, or lack thereof, that Angel was counting on Buffy calling him back with an apology for not appreciating all his help and good intentions. She didn’t and Angel left defeated.

As Buffy stood, head down and eyes closed, she heard the sound of applause from the corner booth. "Good on you, Slayer, not lettin’ the Poofter bully you."

She whirled quickly and saw the shock of white blond hair that topped a smiling vampire. A vampire that was supposed to be long gone on his way south to the vampiress he had been willing to do anything to win back only a day before.

"Spike!" Buffy moved towards the booth, fingering the stake in her hand in a way that made the slightly inebriated vampire a bit nervous. In all their past dealings they had danced a pretty dance but not really harmed each other, in a lethal way at least. Spike hoped his luck would hold. 

"Thought you were off chaining Dru up and torturing her into love?"

"Yeah, well I sobered up then, didn’t I?" Spike decided the girl could do with a bit of honesty after all the half-truths and outright lies his grandsire had been heaping around the girl. "Decided to let her come to me when she’s ready. I’ve taken care of her, loved her for a century. Not bloody likely she’ll just walk away from that for long. She’s the one put the horns on me." He took another drink from his bottle.

"She put horns on you? Where are they?" Buffy was confused by the expression and was looking like she wanted to push aside his hair in search of little pointy growths.

Spike laughed once bitterly and explained, "Old fashioned term, love, for her cheating on me. Not really sure where it came from, so I can’t help you there, but that’s what it means." He ran a hand through his hair, loosening it from the gel and freeing some curls, "See? No growths."

Buffy gulped slightly as she found herself mesmerized by Spike’s large, graceful hands and the altogether too sweet curls they had released. When he looked at her she found herself wondering why she had never noticed how very blue his eyes were. Really, he was almost pretty in a manly, or rather vampirely, way. Buffy shook her head as if to clear it.

"So you decided to come back here and be a pain in my ass, is that it?" she demanded

"That was the idea, gotta admit, but felt a bit more like numbin’ the pain a bit and catching a bit of a kip first," Spike admitted.

"What’s a kip?" Buffy felt like she was stuck in some weird universe where no one spoke her language and she was utterly lost.

"Kip would be a nap in this case. Actually, if I get very lucky I’ll just pass out and be completely out for a lot longer than a little kip." Spike raised the bottle again to drink only to feel Buffy’s hand grasp his wrist and stop him.

"Spike, it isn’t really my business, and God only knows why I even care, but don’t you think you’ve had more than enough to drink? You were completely toasted yesterday and you’re working at least double tonight. Maybe you don’t need your liver, but this can’t be healthy. One of the demons in here might follow you out and dust your sorry ass and you wouldn’t be able to stop them as ploughed as you’re gonna be." Buffy was surprised at how sad the concept made her and fairly amazed she had bothered to say anything to the lovesick vampire.

"Bloody well hurts too much when I’m sober, pet," Spike confided. "She was my first, my only love, don’t you see?" Buffy moved the bottle before his hand could reach it.

"Yeah, I get that. Angel was mine. I know I haven’t spent the last century loving him, but I get the feelings. Part of me would love to crawl into a bottle too," Buffy admitted.

"Sorry about scarin’ your mum yesterday. Didn’t mean her any harm, you know. Nice lady, your mum. She was listenin’ to my woes and tryin’ to sober me up with hot chocolate when you got there. I started to explain until I saw Angel outside and couldn’t resist playin’ at bitin’ your mum. She’s safe from me, Slayer, word of honor. Not too many people have shown any kindness my way. I treasure those that do." Buffy could see the sincerity in his azure eyes. Somehow she had known that her mother had never been in any danger. 

In fact, Buffy had not even considered having a disinvite done on Spike, not last year when she had only his word that he would leave and not after the previous night’s drama. Spike had an invitation that had not been revoked from the night they first called a truce to defeat Angelus. It had never occurred to Buffy, not once, that he would abuse the invitation by coming in to harm her or her mother. She didn’t know why she knew he could be trusted that way, but she did.

"It’s all right, Spike. Mom wasn’t scared of you. She was confused with me trying to stake you and finding out about Willow. She was also still scared of Angel, but all she said today was that she hoped you didn’t get your feelings hurt when she didn’t speak up for you." Buffy rolled her eyes at the memory but was still able to appreciate the gleam in Spike’s eye and the softening of his facial expression at the information. 

"Not gonna offer any advice about the Poofter. Know you’d just ignore anything I had to say anyway. Shame to see you get your heart tromped on by the git though." Spike looked at Buffy’s flushed face and saw a glimpse of the fragile girl in the strong Slayer body. "Meant that applause. Takes backbone to stand up to Angel in full puppy dog mode. You stood your ground well, should be proud."

"I’m not proud. I’m sad and hurt and scared." For some reason Buffy was feeling like she could pour out her deepest fears in front of this demon and not have cause to regret it. "How about another truce for a while? Neither of us is in top form to fight each other right now and I’m just too tired to work up the energy." She really didn’t want to have to stake the insightful, heartbroken vampire she was sharing a booth with at present.

"Fine with me, Slayer. Not too inclined to sink my fangs into that pretty neck of yours either right now." He sighed and began to relax a bit as Buffy laid the stake on the table and moved her hand away from it.

"I get the sad and hurt, love, but what’s got you scared? That something to do with the vamp you were askin’ about? ‘Cause, gotta tell ya, I’ve never heard of any real big bad named Trick! If he’s causin’ you problems, I’ll take him out for ya. You’re MY Slayer and no other vamp’s gonna get the pleasure," Spike declared.

Buffy giggled at the realization that Spike had basically said he wouldn’t let any other vampire kill her because that was his privileged territory alone. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel comforted or threatened and thought maybe Spike wasn’t too sure either.

"So, what’s got you scared, Slayer? You’re the best I’ve seen, and I’ve seen more than a few. Take a lot to scare a downy bird like yourself." He tilted his head in a look of curiosity.

Buffy looked around at the handful of demons still at Willie’s, all watching the two of them sitting and talking. She was certain more than one was trying their hardest to hear every word they spoke. "Let’s get out of here, Spike. You aren’t in fit shape to get anywhere safely without protection and I want the company."

"Hey, I’ll have you know I can still take out every demon in this bar if I want to!" Spike said indignantly. The demons began to look more than a little nervous at that declaration, several choosing that moment to suddenly remember a pressing engagement elsewhere.

"Yeah, whatever," Buffy said with a laugh. "So where are you staying?"

"Got a room at the Sunnyhell Inn over by the State Highway." Spike realized he had just told the Slayer where he would be available for a proper staking at her leisure and covered, "Not stayin’ there beyond tonight, o’ course."

"No, I didn’t think you were," Buffy said with a wry grin. "Want some company? ‘Cause I really don’t feel much like going home right now. Mom’s out of town and the last thing I want is Angel popping up outside my window making sure I’m all right. I just can’t handle that right now."

The two unlikely companions walked toward the seedy motel in comfortable silence for a while. Spike stumbled once and Buffy’s arm shot out to steady the tipsy vampire without her giving it a thought. 

For some reason she was feeling more at peace than she had in quite a while. Maybe it was the knowledge that she wasn’t the only one on the planet with a seriously broken heart right now.

"That what got you scared? Angel showin’ up? Afraid you’ll give in to all those warm, fuzzy feelings and let the beast loose again?" Spike asked, getting right to the heart of things.

"Partly. I’m also afraid I won’t," Buffy answered cryptically.

Spike looked at the Slayer with curiosity before deciding to press for more details. The girl clearly needed to unload these emotions on someone and her pals wouldn’t get why she still had warm fuzzies for the Poof after the whole Angelus disaster of the previous year. Of course, Spike couldn’t see the attraction either, but at least he could see the girl had real feelings for his grandsire. No one ever understood his devotion to Dru, for that matter.

"Wanna add a bit to that, pet? You can’t be wantin to make my sire a happy man again. Took a big enough toll on you and your little fan club the first go around. What are you afraid of then?" Spike wouldn’t push, but a gentle prod, an open invitation and an offer of a shoulder of comfort wouldn’t go amiss.

Buffy looked at Spike, trying to decide if he was asking so he could make fun of her if she answered. But she only saw real interest and more than a pinch of concern on the vampire’s face. It made no sense, but she felt he might actually understand.

"After…," Buffy began with a voice shaking with nervousness, "you know…" She didn’t go on right away, the bright blush on her face indicating acute embarrassment about what she was thinking. Spike tilted his head slightly and leaned in a bit closer, looking directly into her eyes.

"I swear, pet, I won’t laugh or use anything you say against you. Got my own broken heart and issues, not likely to take it lightly for someone else." He looked completely sincere and open.

"Angel lost his soul while we were sleeping. We’ve never talked about any of what happened really. He doesn’t remember most of what Angelus did and feels so bad about it all. I just don’t want to rub salt in the wounds, you know?" 

"You’re a good lady, Buffy. Forgiving and loving. He doesn’t deserve you." Spike was amazed at how this young girl was willing to take on the hurt herself to spare his grandsire from any guilt that he really deserved to feel.

"Not really." Buffy smiled as Spike made a rude noise in response to her denial. "I wish I were good. I’m not really sophisticated or smart. Just ask Willow about my grades! I try to fight the good fight, but really I’d just love to be a normal teenage girl…so I’m no hero fighting for the right reasons. Basically, I got chosen and can’t get unchosen. I don’t have any choice…so ‘good lady’? Not so much."

"You’re selling yourself short, Buffy. The goodness is there. You practically glow with it!" Spike surprised both Buffy and himself with this declaration. Buffy noticed his speech pattern was more educated too, more like Giles. Funny vamp! Lots more going on with Spike than she had guessed before, but then his truce with her should have told her that.

"Thanks, Spike. My mom’s a good lady. I’d love to be like that. Maybe someday I’ll be that. It’s nice that you see the possibility." Buffy spoke softly, sadness in each syllable.

"Nonsense! Who’s been filling your head with this… this…nonsense? " They had stopped walking and were standing across the street from the motel where Spike was staying. "Of course you aren’t sophisticated! You’re just a young girl. Takes years, if ever, for a woman to grow into that. As for forgiving, just look at how you aren’t blaming Angel for any of the hell he just put you through. Hell, look at how you treat me after all the times I tried to kill you, even setting the Order of Taraka on you!" Spike had begun to pace in his agitation. 

"As for the rest…God, I could make lists and I don’t even know you nearly as well as these pals of yours. Your grades are amazingly good for someone that has to go out and save the world every night instead of studying. Like to see the grades of some others at that school of yours if they had half the responsibility. I’m a Master Vampire, pet. You lot have had plenty to laugh at me about since this whole thing with Dru’s set me back, but I’m a force to reckon with--just ask your Watcher. If you’re so bloody stupid, how are you able to beat me at every turn?"

He was just warming up and Buffy was warming right along with him, feeling amazingly pleased to hear his opinion of her. "You are so beautiful, you could easily be some queen bee at your school. Believe me, I met people who only thought they were special and superior, you’ve got it all over them. But you don’t really have any conceit! You picked the runts of the litter for your best mates and protect them like a mother hen." Spike stopped pacing and took Buffy’s shoulders as he faced her. "Don’t even try to tell me you aren’t a good person, ‘cause I know better."

Spike swallowed and begin to wish he’d kept his thoughts to himself. Saying things like what he had said might give the Slayer the wrong idea, as wrong as Dru’s. Still, he’d meant what he had said and the Slayer didn’t look upset by his words.

Buffy started to smile while her eyes teared up. No one had ever said anything like that to her and she would cherish the words even if they had come from her archenemy. The nicest part was that Spike didn’t seem to be even tipsy now, so she couldn’t just convince herself that it was the drink talking.

"Don’t cry, luv," Spike instinctively drew Buffy into an embrace and tried to comfort her. "Now, tell Spike what you’re afraid of. You’ll feel better if you get it out."

"Angelus said I was a bad lover. He was so hurtful that next morning, making fun of me." She felt Spike’s arms tighten around her as she sobbed her pain into his chest. He was surprised at the amount of anger he was feeling on her behalf.

"Angelus is an arse. He was just saying what he knew would hurt the most. Don’t make it real, Buffy." Spike knew words could injure far more than a physical attack and Buffy would always bear these scars.

"But Angel never has said anything different! Now I’ll never have another lover and never know if I really was that terrible!" Buffy hiccuped as she continued sobbing on the vampire’s comfortable chest. Spike began to massage her back in a soothing pattern as she tried to get a grip on her emotions.

"Don’t know why you think you’ll never have another lover. Any man would kill to have a chance to make love to you, pet. You were a virgin; no one with half a brain would expect you to have lots of skills in the bedroom. That’s something you learn from a good teacher," Spike soothed the distraught Slayer.

Buffy would never know what prompted her next words, but they were whispered before she even thought to stop them. "Would you teach me, Spike?"

If Buffy had grown to sixteen feet high, sprouted a tail, horns and turned bright scarlet, it wouldn’t have surprised Spike more than her whispered question. 

"Say what again, pet?"

Buffy took a deep breath and decided maybe it wasn’t such a crazy idea after all. Spike wouldn’t be expecting any emotional commitment from her. He was hurting from Dru’s infidelities too. As she thought about it, nothing made better sense at all. "Would you teach me? Teach me how to be a good lover? How to be a woman who can please a man?"

Spike gulped and closed his eyes as the world suddenly began to spin around him. "Sure," he said simply.


	3. Chapter 3

~*~  
Chapter 3  
~*~

 

The motel room was cheaply furnished but clean. It might not have been the dream place Buffy would have chosen, but Spike was being so sweet to her that the setting really didn’t matter.

After Buffy’s indecent proposal and Spike’s acceptance, the couple crossed the street and moved rapidly in silence to his room, both lost in their own thoughts.

Buffy began to feel a bit awkward when the vampire closed and locked the door behind them and checked to make sure the drapes were drawn tight. 

"Um, Spike…I know you love Dru and you know I love Angel. I’m not expecting anything from you except that you teach me what I want to learn and that we never tell anyone about this. Is that okay with you?"

Spike still looked gobsmacked but nodded at the Slayer mutely. He wasn’t too sure how he had found himself in this position, giving advanced sex education to the Slayer of all people, but he didn’t want to make any false moves and have it finish on a dusty note.

To be honest, the Slayer didn’t look like she was even thinking about vampires and slaying at all. She turned to look at Spike and smiled shyly at him. "Um, what should I do? Just undress? Or is it better to let the guy do that for me? See how hopeless I am, I can’t even figure THAT out!"

Spike returned her smile and hoped he would be able to do justice to the faith this sweet girl was placing in him. She had dumped a boatload of manly responsibility on him unexpectedly and he didn’t want to let her down.

"Well, pet, that depends on the man and the mood. Nothin’ hopeless in your not knowin my wants yet. Just like I don’t know yet if you’ll be wantin’ it fast or slow. First time with a couple’s always a bit of an exploration. Important thing is to care what the other person’s wantin’, right? Learnin’ to read their signals." Spike moved towards Buffy slowly as he prepared to explain.

"Now, love, I’m reading you as being shy and a bit unsure of yourself. Like you’d be wantin’ a certain vampire to take a bit of charge here. Move things along for you." He tilted his head and looked deeply into her eyes. "That right?"

Buffy nodded an acknowledgement, blushing slightly. She hoped Spike wouldn’t find her too pathetic to still be this naïve. It had taken a courage born of desperation to take the steps she had already taken. For reasons she didn’t want to examine too closely, she really cared about Spike’s opinion of her.

"That’s fine, kitten. This is the first time for us. Almost a first time all ‘round. You’ve a right to be a bit unsteady. By the time you leave here, you’ll know all the things you want and how to get ‘em. Promise." Spike could feel her tension and was strangely moved that Buffy seemed to care about his reaction to her.

The insecurity he had been hiding began to recede behind the greater nervousness being displayed by the Slayer.

‘Won’t do for the both of us to be bumbling about like naughty schoolchildren. Slayer came to me for experience. Don’t let the girl down,’ he reminded himself.

Spike moved carefully towards the slightly trembling girl, making sure he didn’t seem overpowering to her at this stage. The fact that this quivering girl could dust him before he could blink wasn’t even an issue. Spike found himself caring about her feelings, her comfort.

"If any of this gets to be too much for you or you change your mind, don’t be afraid to speak up. This is supposed to be a good thing for you, yeah?" Spike’s soft words matched the look in his eyes and Buffy visibly relaxed.

"I’m not a virgin, Spike," Buffy reminded him, her embarrassment causing a sharpness she didn’t really feel.

"Know that! Heard the bloody Poof, didn’t I?" Spike felt her recoil and instantly regretted reminding Buffy of her former lover’s turn as Angelus. "Sorry, pet. Evil vampire here remember. Gonna do my best not to be a beast though. You deserve better. ‘Sides, you’re near enough a virgin for it to be the same. Well, all but the technical part that is. Least it won’t hurt."

Buffy remembered her one time with Angel through the filter of the emotional pain that followed and time gone by and couldn’t remember the physical pain at all. Still, she was glad for the promise that Spike would be tender.

Spike reached out and gently nudged the spaghetti strap of Buffy’s top off her shoulder and leaned in to kiss the exposed sliver of skin it had tried to conceal. He trailed his mouth to her collarbone, leaving a delicate touch of lip and tongue that sent shivers of a different kind through Buffy.

"Wh…what should I be doing?" The tremor in her voice was only partially caused by nerves. The feel of his cool lips on her heated skin was awakening a response that she frankly hadn’t expected under the circumstances. ‘Wow, just from a little touch,’ she thought in awe.

"That’s my sweet kitten! So responsive already! Always knew you were born for loving." Spike murmured encouragements into her skin, surprising Buffy that he had ever given her a thought beyond killing his third Slayer.

She was further stunned to realize she had no fear at all about the nearness of a Master Vampire to her unprotected neck--a thin, fragile barrier to all the blood Spike might hope to feast upon.

It was soon clear that Spike had no desire to feast upon anything as mundane to a vampire as mere blood. This golden goddess, this warrior and child-woman was calling to the core of the man Spike still was beneath the demon.

Spike slid his hand up the back of the silky top, glorying in the feel of her soft, warm flesh. His hand caressed her bare back as his other hand mimicked his previous action, freeing her other shoulder from its pseudo covering. Spike wasted no time in moving his mouth to that side and giving the same attention to those neglected parts of Buffy.

Buffy moaned in pleasure as she felt the electricity that seemed to spark from the contact with Spike’s talented mouth. His hand neatly unsnapped her strapless bra as he continued to caress her. Buffy didn’t even realize what he had done until the lacy bit slipped down, landing at her feet. The feel of her now freed breasts, nipples hard and erect, against the soft material brought another moan of pleasure as Spike nibbled his way up her neck on his trek toward her mouth and a searing kiss.

Buffy had started to throw her head back in response to all the sensory input, but as Spike’s mouth followed to claim her lips, she leaned into him instead. Mouth met mouth, open and inviting. Spike let his tongue toy with Buffy’s lower lip, easing slowly into the warm welcome of her mouth only when he knew she was more than ready for the invasion.

Her tongue moved to greet his in a slow, sensual slide. The two would-be lovers explored each other’s taste and feel, moving with no haste in a kiss that defied the need to breathe.

Spike’s hands had not been idle through this opening salvo. With one hand still upon her back, drawing her closer still to his hard body, his other hand moved beneath the scrap of cloth concealing her pert breasts. His large, graceful hand encased her right breast in a touch that was firm yet tender at the same time. He gently massaged the full globe as his slightly rough thumb carefully flicked the aching nipple. Buffy gasped in pleasure and surprise at his touch.

Spike broke the kiss, but not abruptly, to permit Buffy to draw in ragged breaths and issue mewls of approval at his actions. "Like that, baby? Feel good? Tell Spike. Is this good for you, love?"

"Oh yes! Too good. Not good enough!" Buffy didn’t know how both could be true, she merely knew they were. "Too many clothes. Need to feel you, Spike."

Spike smiled and caught his lower lip between his teeth. The Slayer had used his name! She wasn’t pretending he was someone else! In that moment, he realized that Dru had been right as usual and that his heart already belonged to this slip of a girl so trusting in his arms.

His cock ached to forge ahead, to bury itself in the promise of her moist heat and send her to rapture over and over again, but his larger head prevailed and Spike kept the pace slow…this time. The night WAS still young, after all, he promised his rebellious parts.

Before Buffy even saw his hand move, her top joined the bra at her feet and Spike’s hands were upon both her breasts, kneading and stroking their fullness as his thumbs manipulated her nipples to further erectness. It felt as if they were afire and she moaned her need into his neck.

"Need…ah…Spike, need your mouth, your tongue. Please…," she crooned.   
Spike bent and took her left nipple in his mouth teasing the rock hard nub with gentle, rapid flicks of his tongue. Buffy yelped at the sensation even as she craved greater contact.

Buffy moved her hands under the hem of Spike’s black tee, raising it up his body, desperate to remove the barrier between their flesh. 

Spike broke from his devotions to Buffy’s breasts long enough for the shirt to be flung over his head and to the floor, swooping back to capture her needy right nipple this time.

Buffy’s hands had begun an exploration of their own. Soft, warm Slayer hands born to flay and administer pain and death were instead as gentle and sure as Spike’s own. She traced the muscles his clothing had concealed, marveling at the toned body of the vampire. Her fingers toyed with his flat, hard nipples and she grinned as he moaned his pleasure at the touch.

They were pressed tightly together, instinctively moving nearer and nearer in the age-old need to merge into one. That primitive perfection of joining needed no instruction.

Buffy felt the hardness of his cock as it burned her through the layers of clothing they both still wore. She wondered at his size. It felt large, but she had little experience to judge such things. Clearly he was enjoying her touch as much as she was his.

The desire to touch him, to feel the length and fullness of him became overpowering to Buffy and she began to undo his belt and top button. Spike groaned at her touch and what it implied. He was panting with desire for this goddess of light.

"You sure, Buffy? Don’t want to take a chance this gets too out of hand for me to pull back if you aren’t sure." Spike had intended this experience to be wonderful for the Slayer, but now that he knew his heart, he was determined not to bollocks it up with unbridled lust.

His cock was nearly making the decision for them both with the strain it was putting on the zipper of his jeans. Buffy could feel the twitch of it under her hand as he asked.

She nearly said, ‘Geez, Angel wasn’t this careful when we did it,’ but was heartily glad she held her tongue. Somehow she just knew that there would be no icier a cold shower than a mention of Angel at this point. In fact, Buffy was reveling in the fact that Spike was treating her as an equal and not some fragile damsel in need of kid glove treatment before being put back in a glass case on a pedastal.

"No changing of plan here, Spike. I want to learn … I also want you." The last part had been a near whisper and only Spike’s vampire hearing allowed him to latch onto it.

Spike choked back a gleeful laugh at what her words revealed and closed his eyes in bliss. She wanted HIM. Not just sex as a goal any longer, she wanted him. Spike half feared an apocalypse with the joy that knowledge had given him. Surely there would be a large price asked for making an evil vampire this happy! He had no soul to lose but understood how his grandsire had come to lose his with this girl.

Buffy, having no idea of the effect her words had on the love-challenged vampire, grew concerned at Spike’s stillness. "You still want to, don’t you?" She was still so insecure of her desirability!

"God, yes! Never wanted anything, or anyone, more." Spike nuzzled her neck as he made this vow. His hand strayed down to the zipper on the front of Buffy’s jeans as he reclaimed her mouth in a kiss as full of passion as the first had been of exploration.

As if in answer to Spike’s expectation of disaster, they both realized a problem at the same time. Buffy began to giggle as she realized this very experienced male had completely forgotten her boots that were still on her feet, trapping her jeans and keeping them from easy removal. She was secretly pleased to know Spike desired her enough to let that little detail slip by his obvious expertise.

"Uh, pet. Don’t really want to take my hands off you, but the Jimmy Choos have got to go." Spike smiled at her ruefully. 

"Right there with you, sport," she continued to giggle. "How about you lose the Docs while I’m at it?"

"Just glad you’re getting that giggle problem out now, not after my dangly bits are paradin’ about," Spike grinned.

"Why? Are they funny looking?" Buffy felt free enough to tease a bit. Laughter was good, she decided, especially during awkward sexual moments.

"Not so anyone’s ever said. Just not real good for a fella’s ego’s all." 

"You do realize that now I’ll have to look really closely, just to be sure," Buffy threatened.

"Is there any way I can get through that with any shred of dignity?" Spike couldn’t see how the scene wouldn’t result in at least one chuckle.

"Nope," Buffy let the "p" sound pop and wiggled her eyebrows. "That’s okay though. It’ll make us more even, you being all Mr. Experience and me the … how did you put it…’near enough to a virgin’? Yup, gonna have to take a long, slow look at those bits." Buffy smiled at the vampire. She wasn’t sure how it was possible, but she would have sworn that Spike had a slight blush.

Spike managed to remove his boots while Buffy taunted him playfully. She was still working on the remaining one of hers as he swooped her up with a growl and tossed her on the bed. "Oh yeah? Well, we’ll just see who laughs last, eh?" 

Buffy kicked off the offending footwear and turned to the smiling, sexy vampire next to her on the bed, suddenly serious again. "Thank you."

"For what, pet? Tossin’ you on the bed or being willin’ to let you make a laughingstock out of my manly parts?" Spike tilted his head, his eyes as open and innocent as a child’s.

"Neither. Both. Everything, really." Buffy hadn’t expected to feel any of the emotions she had been feeling since they entered the cheap motel room. She hadn’t expected Spike to be the kind of man he was proving to be either. "For being unexpectedly you."

Spike looked at Buffy, clearly befuddled. "Who else would I be, kitten? Same Spike I’ve always been and in the past that’s nearly gotten me a dustin’ from you."

"No, you’re not. Well, maybe you are the same, but you never showed it before. You always were this ‘I’m going to kill you and drain you dry’ and all with the evil and glares and snark. You’re actually a nice guy, Spike. I like you," Buffy admitted.

Reaction warred within the vampire, his so expressive face revealing the battle to the Slayer. "Don’t quite know what to say to that. On one hand, I’m mighty chuffed, but then I remember ‘evil vampire here’ and don’t know what to think. You’ve put me in a spin from the start, Slayer."

"Buffy. Call me Buffy. It sounds pretty from your lips, not stupid." Buffy smiled at the confused demon-man. Funny how easy it was to see both in his eyes, even funnier to like both parts she saw there. "And why don’t we just go with ‘chuffed’ and leave the rest to sort itself out later, okay?"

"’Kay. I can do that." Spike wasn’t about to spoil this night with declarations of love. That never worked well for him as a man or as a vampire. Still, he couldn’t leave it all unsaid. "I like you too, Buffy. You’re special. Not just because you’re the Slayer either. Somethin’ about you, noticed from the start. You’re one of a kind."

Buffy blushed at the compliment and buried her head in his chest, giving in to her urge to taste him as he had her. She teased his nipple in the way Spike had done hers, having learned quickly. She was rewarded with a low growl of pleasure accompanied by Spike’s hips moving upward, straining for contact.

"Still too many clothes." Buffy lowered his zipper and his cock sprang out into her hand. She was a bit surprised but covered it perfectly. "Wow, like a heat seeking missile there, buddy! Impressive!" She was truly impressed by the feel of his cock in her hand. She hadn’t had the chance to even get a good look at Angel, much less a firm grip.

She nearly giggled again at the remembrance of the terms used for a male penis in the bodice rippers she had devoured as an adolescent. Somehow calling this impressive organ some of those things was ludicrous in the extreme. It would never do to call Spike’s hard, smooth length ‘man-root’ or ‘pillar of love’ or any such nonsense. It was a cock: a strong, long, hard, properly thick cock that felt like velvet encased iron. 

He was not circumcised--Buffy recognized that at least from her Human Sexuality classes. She slid her hand back, exposing the head that was peeping from the foreskin and already glistening with pre-cum. The naughty explorer within Buffy wanted nothing more than to taste him. She wanted to see his face as her mouth brought him pleasure. Still, never having actually gone down on a man, she decided to wait for a second lesson before trying out that fantasy. She would hate to get it wrong.

Buffy remembered when she and Willow had borrowed a sex aid book from the library and took the author’s advice to "practice using a double scoop ice cream cone." They had numbed their tongues with the intensive licking and swirling, finally ending up on the ground doubled over with laughter as a boy who passed on his bicycle crashed into a tree at the sight.

Looking at Spike’s cock now, she didn’t see how it resembled a double scoop cone, but all those tongue exercises might finally pay off before the night was finished. "Just like ice cream," she muttered to Spike’s confusion.

"Talkin’ ‘bout my body temperature? ‘Cause I’m warmin’ right up as we speak," Spike promised. He had never been with a live woman and hadn’t thought about the differences in temperature. "God, I hope it doesn’t turn Buffy off." He worried unnecessarily.

Buffy took a chance and licked the tip of his cock, dipping slightly into the slit before offering a half explanation: "Ice cream is of the good."

The feel and sight of the Slayer’s pink tongue on his cock was nearly Spike’s undoing. He could not remember ever being so turned on in his life or unlife and needed a will as rigid as his cock to keep from coming before they even got Buffy’s jeans off.

"Not playin’ fair there, pet!" His voice was shaky and Buffy thrilled to know she was the cause. "One of us is still wearin’ too much and I aim to fix that little problem, missy."

He captured Buffy’s mouth in a quick hot kiss, both to savor the taste of himself on her lips and to distract her from further delightful experiments in vampire torture.

He had her undressed so fast she was unaware of his hands at all except for the pleasure they brought her, judging from her writhing and moaning. "Remember, love, this is about showin’ you all the ways you like to feel." Then, like a waiter suggesting the catch of the day, he moved down her body and said, "I have a feelin’ you’re gonna love this."


	4. Chapter 4

~*~  
Chapter 4  
~*~

He nudged her thighs apart and draped his torso over one leg. His hands were moving up and down both of her thighs, thumbs tracing her folds as they reached the juncture of her thighs. She was wet and ready and still he took his time.

With his head positioned between her legs, Spike began to kiss her inner thighs, alternating from one leg to the other as he made his way up to her pleading pussy. No book could ever have prepared her for the sensations his mouth was causing as he kissed and licked her in that place previously known only to herself, Angel and her vibrator.

His tongue followed the outline of her outer folds, dipping into her wet channel with each pass. They were both moaning by now, she with the incredible feelings his talented tongue was creating and he from a taste he could never have imagined. "So beautiful, love. You look and taste like heaven. Should dust just from this, like something holy and pure. Too good for me."

Buffy clutched his head, tangling her fingers in his curls and shuddered as her body began to quake and tense. "Good, yes, so good." She only had registered that part of his impassioned speech.

"God, Spike, keep doing that!" Buffy could feel the build-up to a climax just from his mouth. 

Spike moved away slightly and ignoring her groan of protest, thrust one, then two, fingers into her channel. He curved his long fingers until they reached the tight bundle of nerves that were the focus of her entire nervous system before sucking her engorged clit between his lips and drawing her over the edge into her first orgasm of the night.

Hearing Buffy scream his name as she spasmed around his fingers was the most beautiful music Spike had ever heard. He vowed to make that lovely note string into a symphony of ecstasy until she begged for rest.  
Buffy had never imagined sex could be like this. Spike hadn’t even penetrated her except with his knowing fingers and tongue and she was already vibrating like a hot wire in water. 

She began to pump his cock in a steady rhythm that managed to distract Spike from lapping up her juices to gasp and growl his need. "Buffy, sweetling, you’re drivin’ me mad here."

"Can’t have that. This is a no-crazy-vamp zone," There wasn’t room enough in this bed for Angel and Dru as far as Buffy was concerned. Spike was more than enough for her and she came to a new resolution that Spike wouldn’t even remember the dark-haired former love of his unlife by the time they left this motel. 

Had someone told Buffy that by nightfall she would feel complete jealousy of the loony vampiress, she would have choked on her laughter. Now she wanted nothing more than to mark Spike as hers and hers alone. 

Spike was completely oblivious to the reference to Dru since all thought of any other woman than Buffy had fled. By this time he realized his emotions were definitely engaged by the blonde Slayer. "Too late. Crazy ‘bout you, Buffy." His mouth moved from the hollow of her pelvis upwards towards her mouth as Spike positioned his body between her welcoming legs.

"Need to feel you, Spike. Want you to fill me up." Buffy moved his cock to the slick entrance of her pussy, her wet center eager for the joining.   
He moved slowly, enjoying the feeling of her warm, satiny embrace as he pushed past the still tight muscles of her youth.

"Relax, sweetheart, I swear I won’t hurt you," Spike promised.

"No, no hurting. Feels so good, so right." Buffy meant that. As magical as it had seemed with Angel, a culmination of her teenage dreams, it didn’t come close to this. Spike fit her body perfectly. Not just his wonderfully shaped cock that filled her in every way, but his whole body fit just right, as if designed specifically for her.

Inch by slow inch, Spike claimed his place in the only home he could ever remember knowing. That was the feeling--like he had come home after an eternity of wanting. Fully sheathed at last, he stilled his movements to allow Buffy to adjust to his cock.

She had other ideas, however, feeling so comfortable no adjustment was wanted or needed. All she needed was Spike moving within her, touching her in places he clearly was intended to touch. 

She instinctively began to move her hips in small circles as she clenched her inner muscles, caressing him internally. 

The smooth glide of Spike’s cock as it pumped within her was accompanied by soft murmurs of endearments as if they both knew deep within that this was no mere lesson in sex but the beginnings of something more.

His pace was slow, letting Buffy discover just what speed and force gave her the most pleasure, just what spots brought forth gasps and moans.

Buffy took the time to experiment on Spike as well, finding out from his sounds and expressions just how to squeeze his cock, just how to caress him with her hands, just how to kiss him into real breathlessness.  
Getting to know Spike and his body had become as important to Buffy as learning about her own desires and needs.

As Spike began a series of short, shallow thrusts that managed to hit Buffy on her sweet spot each time, Buffy lost track of pleasuring him as her orgasm took over all of her thought processes. 

She could feel the buildup of an intensity she had never imagined followed by an explosion of color behind her eyes as her pussy throbbed and spasmed around his now still cock. 

Spike held her close as she rode it out, whispering to her, "That’s it, love, come for me. Come again and again. Gonna love you right, my beautiful Buffy."

She felt herself come again at his words. When her double orgasm finally coasted to a gentle stop, Buffy rolled both of them over until she was atop Spike. 

Yes! This was a good position! She had control of the pace, Spike had his wonderful hands free to massage and tease her breasts and the angle of penetration was perfect to hit all the deepest spots. Buffy also had a perfect view of Spike’s expressive face as every emotion he was feeling flitted across it. Ecstasy was followed by a near reverent awe and passion underscored it all. Buffy caught sight of a tenderness that bespoke an emotion she didn’t want to deal with at this point, but she made a point to file away that notation for later. 

If she were right about some of what she was feeling and what it appeared Spike was as well, the vampire was not going to be walking away any time soon. 

There were lots of issues that they would need to deal with--his diet being the paramount one--but Buffy would not let anything this good just slip through her fingers over something that could be handled.

As she toyed with thoughts of this being more than a one-night stand, she smiled cryptically at Spike then leaned forward and kissed him senseless.   
As she sucked his tongue as if it were his cock, her hip movements changed from making small circles and clenching his cock internally. She began to raise her slick pussy up and nearly off of him, hearing him groan as it felt like she were going to release him from her hot channel. Then she slammed back down, pelvis to pelvis, in one hard impaling.

Buffy pulled back from the kiss, the better to watch his handsome face as she worked him over. She began a cadence that nearly reduced him to whimpering in need. 

Buffy slowly rose, inch by inch, squeezing his wet, slick cock as she moved upward to his swollen, sensitive head. Then with just his head still within her, she would plunge down again hard and deep.

Spike had nearly bitten through his bottom lip at the combination of the delicious feelings and the unbelievable sight of his glorious Slayer moving on him exquisitely. Never had he felt anything like this! The heat of this lovely human alone was new to him. The emphasis on pleasure instead of pain was also a wonderful change from Dru. 

There was something else though. Something of the heart, the emotions. Spike couldn’t be sure but held as a treasure the idea that he saw a glimmer of feeling in Buffy’s eyes as she looked at him.

"Your turn now, Spike. I want to see you come, want to see you shudder with bliss, baby." Buffy spoke aloud the thoughts she had without realizing she had verbalized. "Come for me. We’ll come together."

"Oh, yeah, pet, together." Spike was surprised he could speak and from the startled look on Buffy’s face, she was too.

Truthfully, Buffy was stunned that Spike was reading her thoughts. Maybe she hadn’t just thought it! She was amazed to realize that she wasn’t embarrassed by what she might have said aloud since they had started making love. Somehow she knew her thoughts were safe with this man.

Spike moved his hands from Buffy’s breasts with a mental promise to return there as soon as they began to make love again later. His hands came to rest on her hips as he took over the tempo, slamming up to meet her as she moved down on him. 

She had begun to ride him hard, all previous experimentation gone. Now was raw, primitive mating, two beings driving each other to the edge of oblivion, together in every action, every need.

Buffy felt her orgasm build and began a chant of"yes, God, Spike, yes!" She looked down at his face, a mask of adoration she couldn’t dismiss. ‘God, he’s so beautiful!’ she thought and wondered at why she hadn’t noticed before.

Spike had never heard more beautiful words nor seen a sight of more beauty than his Slayer riding him for all she was worth, sweat beading on her glorious breasts, golden hair curtaining her lovely, enraptured face. 

‘All for me!’ he thought in wonder. He felt his balls tighten as he headed for the most intense climax of his entire existence.

She felt him shudder all over as he grasped her tightly to him, pulling her down flush against him and into a kiss as he poured himself into her. She felt the spasms of her orgasm join his as he spurted his essence into her very center. "God, love you Buffy," she thought she heard.

Spike’s entire body thrummed with the aftershocks of the most intense orgasm he had ever had as his heart resonated with emotions he felt Buffy must surely be feeling as well. He could dust a happy vamp now and face the fires of hell with a smile after tonight.

Spike buried his face in her neck and shuddered in raw sensation. His beloved "enemy" had only been with one other man and yet was so finely tuned to Spike’s body already that she had played it like a master on a familiar instrument.

And so they did make a symphony of joy, of pleasure, of passion. Melodies and rhythms played throughout the night, changing tempos and styles. There was laughter and tears, discoveries and sudden knowledge as though they had been lovers for untold centuries. Buffy had never been so free nor Spike so enslaved as they became that night.

All thoughts of past loves, past desires or future whims died on the altar of perfection as two halves of one perfect whole joined, rejoined and rejoiced in it all.

As dawn broke over the sleepy town, a vampire and his Slayer finally drifted off to blissful sleep, replete and sated. Words of love would come in good time, when battered hearts had mended enough to fully trust again. He would be her champion and she his lady fair. Together they could accomplish anything, be anything, do anything, survive anything, for together they had found completion.

As Spike had promised in the beginning, by the time Buffy left the next morning she did indeed know all the things she wanted and how to get them-- and they were all wrapped up in a patched bedspread of a cheap motel in the form of one perfect vampire. 

~fin


End file.
